Why Did I Block You Yesterday, B.N., my Brother, why did I block you?

2 min readAug 6, 2022


Why did I block you Yesterday, B.N., My Spine, My Hero. Why did I block you yesterday, the 5th of August, 2022, brother?

Because you deserve my respect and I do so sincerely apologise for blocking you.

Because some day I hope you can forgive me for blocking you.

Because despite how strong you think I am, you still think I am weak.

Because, also of course, nobody on earth wants a weak man.

Not even you.

Well, if 6 months can define a man,
then let these next 6 months define me.

I AM weak, brother. Hence me blocking you.

In 6 months, I no longer will be.

Thank you for everything, brother.
What I owe you, I will repay within 6 months.

In 6 months, I will be the kind of strong that is never weak again.
In 6 months I will unblock you and I will apologise to you properly, brother. Proper, With the apple juice.

I hope to see you soon, brother. I know any of Life or Death could happen, brother, in 6 months. Yet I must go on this pilgrimage without you, brother, … somehow. My how. A how you will understand and appreciate I hope for certainly.
Brother, I love you with all of my body, with all of my heart, with all of my spirit, with all of my soul, which is a lot.

Thank you for loving me too, BN.

Thank you.

I miss you. I wish I could speak with you about my progress. What pain it is to not speak with you about your own progress, on top of my own.
I relapsed after Emily, braked, stopped, then relapsed again after you. Cigarettes and Alcohol.
How many heartbreaks, heartdestructions, heartpulverisations, heartdismissals, heartgenocides, can one endure on the journey to being understood? Journey?? More like treasure hunt. Unpromised. Fool’s gold.
How painful could it be to the clown-thinking-self-a-genius to discover he is but truly the commonest of fools?
The fault is my own! It Is Me, You pointed out! It is me pitying myself, pitying myself in public, making known how pityful I feel not being like the rest whom like I was destined to be. It is me! Disheartening the masses! Disheartening the masses who came for a show!
Obviously, I have no show. No show, and nothing to show!
How I wish I could show you what show I have planned for the masses, and for you!
How I wish!

https://open.spotify.com/track/7nYS7mmZh0K8EbM8DBRwb9?si=0d8e982308484744In 6 months, brother, I shall learn how to buy my life back.
If it is for rent.